5/05/16.

- Sorry for these kinds of posts, I realise they are a bit debby-downer but I said from the get go thats how this blog would be sometimes. -

Today I applied to jobs, I applied to opportunities on the Blogger Programme website that I was applicable for, I set up two blog posts to go on my beauty blog, I planned to do a makeup tutorial for youtube tomorrow, I spent time with my gran and really enjoyed doing so. Some would say that's a pretty productive day. I say, I feel empty.

I just feel nothing.

 I don't see myself getting a job in the near future and it's severely distressing because I am skint, I need the money, I hate not being able to buy things - not even basic things like food, I hate not being able to go out like a 19 year old should be and I hate other people having to pay for things for me. I'm also so bored of being home all the time. I'm so lonely.

I feel empty about my future, I just don't really see myself even in the future. I can't get past this and I don't feel like I'm ever going to.

People say there's always a light at the end of the tunnel - does that mean that, no matter how long the tunnel is you can still see it? Even if it's the tiniest little bit of light? Because I, personally, see nothing.

 Absolutely nothing.

And that is more depressing than how I feel to be honest.